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Innuendo |
From the Mail Bag Ever wonder what's in the Insanity Goddess' inbox? ;) How to Maintain Healthy Levels of Insanity:1) At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down. 2) Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice. 3) Insist that your e mail address is: <Xena-Warrior-Princess@OCDSB.edu.on.ca> <Elvis-the-King@OCDSB.edu.on.ca> 4) Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that. 5) Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "IN." 6) Develop an unnatural fear of staplers. 7) Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso. 9) Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the prophecy." 10) Dont use any punctuation 11) As often as possible, skip rather than walk. 12) Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer. 13) Specify that your drive-through order is "to go." 14) Sing along at the opera. 15) Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme. 16) Put mosquito netting around your cubicle. Play a tape of jungle sounds all day. 17) Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood. 19) When the money comes out of the ATM, scream "I Won!", "I Won!" "3rd time this week!!!" 20) When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling, "Run for your lives, they're loose!" 21) Tell your children over dinner. "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go." ::.."Being Wrong Never Felt So Right"..:: FlabbyLicious MMM, I've been inspired once again to write a parody of a song. My new victim is "Bootylicious." hope you all like my new creation. Britney, Can you handle this? Christina, Can you handle this? Jeniffer, Can you handle this? I don't think Yall can handle me! Barely moving, I'm so large, Lookin' flabby, Feel the pudge, Fattest chick, Eatin' 9 to 5 Mickey D's, Popeyes Spotted me a whopper thang There it is, Come on baby, I just wanna take a bite Yall can't handle, Handle this You gotta open you mouth wider If you gonna Eat with me tonight You gotta stuff your face now If you gonna Eat with me tonight Read my lips carefully I like to eat ham and cheese Chips, Dips, Crisps Bacon looks good to me By the looks I got you Shook up and scared of me I can't fit into a belt, It's time for Turkey I don't think you Ready for this belly I don't think you Ready for this belly I don't think you Ready for me 'Cause my belly is too Flabbylacious for ya babe Britney, can you handle this? Christina, can you handle this? Jeniffer, can you handle this? I don't think yall can handle this! I'm about to break off that chicken leg My liver is goin hard humongous hips, flabby thighs, swing my arms, the flab around lookin' hot smellin' good taste like junk food tremendous shoulders I blow into the toilet just like this I don't think you Ready for this belly I don't think you Ready for this belly I don't think you Ready for me 'Cause my belly is too Flabbylacious for ya babe I don't think you Ready for this belly I don't think you Ready for this belly I don't think you Ready for me 'Cause my belly is too Flabbylacious for ya babe Can't move my body left and right (whoo) My big ass booty touches the ground (whoo) I can't help but eat all night (whoo) is my chin too flabbylacious for you, babe I shake my belly at every chance when i eat another sandwhich i lose buttons on my pants I'm hoping you can handle all this belly that I have now lets cut a porkchop while its warm and nice I don't think you Ready for this belly I don't think you Ready for this belly I don't think you Ready for me 'Cause my belly is too Flabbylacious for ya babe Who am I? I'M ABOUT 8 INCHES LONG. MY FUNCTIONING IS ENJOYED BY MEMBERS OF BOTH SEXES. I'M USUALLY FOUND HUNG, DANGLING LOOSELY, READY FOR INSTANT ACTION. I BOAST A CLUMP OF LITTLE HAIRY THINGS AT ONE END AND SMALL HOLE AT THE OTHER. IN USE, I'M INSERTED, ALMOST ALWAYS WILLINGLY, SOMETIMES SLOWLY, SOMETIMES QUICKLY, INTO A WARM, FLESHY, MOIST OPENING. THERE I'M THRUST IN AND DRAWN OUT AGAIN AND AGAIN MANY TIMES IN SUCCESSION, OFTEN QUICKLY AND ACCOMPANIED BY SQUIRMING BODILY MOVEMENTS. ANYONE FOUND LISTENING IN WILL MOST SURELY RECOGNIZE THE RHYTHMIC, PULSING SOUND, RESULTING FROM THE WELL LUBRICATED MOVEMENTS. WHEN FINALLY WITHDRAWN, I LEAVE BEHIND A JUICY, FROTHY, STICKY WHITE SUBSTANCE, SOME OF WHICH WILL NEED CLEANING FROM THE OUTER SURFACES OF THE OPENING AND SOME FROM MY LONG GLISTENING SHAFT. AFTER EVERYTHING IS DONE AND THE FLOWING AND CLEANSING LIQUIDS HAVE CEASED EMANATING, I RETURN TO MY FREELY HANGING STATE OF REST, READY FOR YET ANOTHER BIT OF ACTION. HOPEFULLY, I WILL REACH MY BRISTLING CLIMAX TWICE OR THREE TIMES A DAY, BUT OFTEN IT IS MUCH LESS. WHO AM I ?? AS YOU MAY HAVE ALREADY GUESSED, THE ANSWER TO THE RIDDLE IS NONE OTHER THAN YOUR VERY OWN.... TOOTHBRUSH !!!!!!!!!!! |
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