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Innuendo |
Dirty Jokes Aren't we just so foul-minded :D Metallix: Theres a small boy, who goes on a school trip to a farm. When he comes home, his dad asks him what he saw. The boy says "We went to this first field, and we saw Cows eating grass and doing poopoos. Then we went to the second field, and we saw pigs, they were running around and farting all over the place. Then we went to another field, and it was full of fuckers, then we went to aThe dads stops him and says: "Could we go back a couple of fields?"The boy says, "Oh the pigs?" The dad says, "No, further on" The boy says, "Oh the chickens? they were my fav.." The dad says, "No before that?" The boy says, "The fuckers?" The dad says, "Yep." The boy says, "What about them?" The dad says, "What are fuckers?" The boy says, "Well..the teacher said they were heffers, but WE knew what she meant!! :D" Crazy Pocky: Ok, so a mother has triplets, 3 girls. On the same day, the 3 get married. They all go home to their individual rooms with their husbands. The mother walks by. From the 1st room she hears screaming. From the second room she hears laughing. From the 3rd room she hears nothing. Next morning: Mom: Why were you screaming? 1: You said to scream when it hurts. Mom: Why were you laughing? 2: You said to laugh when it tickles. Mom: Why didn't you make any noise? 3: You said not to talk with my mouth full. MetallixTPM: Michael Fox has a small one. Arnold Sqartzinegger has a large one. Madonna doesn't have one. Clinton has on an uses it all the time. What is it? A LAST NAME!! CrazyPocky: A mother sends her son to the neighbors so the neighbor's daughter can babysit him. She says, whatever she tells you to do, say your mother told you not to. So he goes over. Girl: Lets watch TV! Boy: I really really want to but my mother told me not to. Girl: It'll be fun! Boy: OK. *watches tv* Girl: Lets take off our clothes. Boy: I really really want to but my mother told me not to. Girl: It'll be fun. Boy: OK *both strip nekkid* Girl: Lets go to my mom's room. Boy: I really really want to but my mother told me not to. Girl: It's fun, I swear. Boy: OK *goes* Girl: Lets have sex! Boy: o_O I really really want to but my mother told me not to. Girl: I swear its fun. Boy: OK *they get it on* Girl's mom comes in and yells GET OFFA MY DAUGHTER!!! Boy: I really really want to but my mother told me not to. Metallix: A man decides to goto a nudist camp... and he is told the rules, one of the rules is "No Sex." but then he meets a pregnant woman in the camp... He asks her how she possibly could have become pregnant, and she explains: "I was running in the Cross Country marathon, and my shoelace became undone, so I bent down to tie it, and the guy running behind me ran straight into me." CrazyPocky: Ok, so a woman goes to the doctor. She says her husband needs to be better in bed. Doc tells ber to put a ginseng tablet in his food. Next week, she comes back, and says: It was better, but still... Doc says add 2. Next week, she comes back, and says: It was better, but still... Doc says add 3. This continues until she adds a whole bottle of ginseng to his food each night. Months later, a boy goes to the same doc. He says, Did you tell my mommy to put ginseng in daddy's food? Doc: Yeah, why? Kid: Well, mommy's dead, my sister's pregnant, my butt hurts, and daddy keeps running around yelling HERE KITTY KITTY! Metallix: A boy and a girl are standing in the garden, the boy pulls down his pants and says "My Dad says I'm better than you cos I have one of these." The girl runs indoors crying, then she comes back out, goes up to the boy, pulls down her skirt, and says "My mommy says I'm better than you cos I have one of these, and because I have one of these, I can get as many of those as I want." Metallix: Whats the connection between a thumbtack and a dirty old man? They both lie on their backs with their pricks in the air. MKgamemaster: A man walks into a convience store. He asks if they had any condoms. He sees that there are different sizes, so he asks what size he should get. The clerk motions him to a woman sitting in a chair in the back. The woman gets the man to unzip his pants, she holds the...uh...male organ and yells to the clerk, "small!" The man storms off, mad ...taking the condom. Next, a burly biker guy comes in. He doesn't know which size... The woman says, "large" after doing her job. The burly man walks away proud. Then a highschool student walks in. He doesn't know either. He walks down the aisle to the woman. Then the woman says, "Clean up on aisle six!" Metallix: Why don't women like Basketball players in bed? Cos they tend to dribble before they shoot. ZilchRBA: A guy goes to a bar and gets drunk on their cheepest beer. He stumbles to the back alley and falls asleep bent over the dumpster. Two gay guys walk past the alley. They see him bent over, so they get him up the..... urm... butt. They feel bad about it, so they both leave him 5 bucks. The next day he goes back into the bar and buys one of the better beers. He gets drunk again and falls asleep over the dumpster again. The gay guys go by again, get him up the butt again, but they both leave 10 bucks. The guy goes back into the bar, and orders the best beer. He gets drunk, falls asleep over the dumpster, the gay guys get him, and they both leave a 20. The next day the guy goes back into the bar and orders wine. The guy goes back into the bar, and orders a really good wine, gets drunk, the gay guys get him, and they both leave 100 dollar bills. The guy hobbles back into the bar the next day, and orders the cheepest beer. The bartender goes "How come your not buying the expensive stuff anymore? What happened?" The guy goes "It's great, but its killin my ass!" Metallix: Why is the penis like a Rubix cube? The more you play with it, the harder it becomes. MKgamemaster: A girl and some boys were standing in front of a flagpole. A boy says, "I'll pay you a fifty bux to climb the flagpole." The girl says okay. So she climbs the flagpole and the boys are like "wowsers" as they look up her dress. The girl comes home. Her momma was like: FOO! DON'T BE CLIMBIN THEM FLAGPOLES! THEM BOYS ARE TRYIN' TO LOOK UP YER DRESS AND SEE YER UNDERWEAR! FOO! DON'T DO IT AGAIN! So... The next day the boys are like, "hey...we'll pay you 100 dollars if you climb the pole again." The girl's like, okay. So she climbs the pole. The boys are like, "wooooah..." The girl comes home with some cash. The mom was like, "FOO! I TOLD YOU NOT TO CLIMB UP DEM POLES!" And the girls like, "no mommy, i tricked them this time... this time I wasn't wearing any underwear!" CrazyPocky: Ok, so a girl tells her boyfriend: When I say bologna, go faster. When I say Salami, go slower. So the neighbor upstairs hears: BOLOGNA! SALAMI! SALAMI! BOLOGNA! And he says, DAMN! So much noise to make a few sandwiches? CrazyPocky: 2 men are walking in the woods. Both are starving to death when they see a house. They knock, and a grotesque woman is inside. She says that if one of them will sleep with her, she'll give him food. The first one goes in. Lady spreads her legs, and it's all green and mossy and smelly. He runs out, because that's fucking sick. The second one goes in. He asks to use the bathroom. He goes in, and opens the medicine cabinet and the drawers. It's full of.... hot dogs o_O So he takes a hot dog, and uses it on the lady. She doesn't know, but she likes it. When he's done, he tosses it out the window. She gives him hot dogs and he leaves. He meets the other dude, who is happy. Why? He found a yummy hot dog covered in relish... MKgamemaster: What does a dumb blonde call pantyhose? Legwarmers. MKgamemaster: Why do dumb blondes prefer convertibles? More leg room. Clockwork Onion: This guy gets transferred to the french foreign legion. He's stationed out in the desert for a couple of months and there are no women anywhere in the camp. So one day, sick and tired of it, he calls in an aide and says to him, "Look, there are no women anywhere in this camp. How do the men deal with it?" And the aide says, "Well, sir, we have this she-camel --" And the guy says, "Forget it. Say no more." Another month goes by and by now the guy is going totally nuckin' futs. He calls in the aide again and says, "Look, man, I can't stand it. Please, just bring in the camel." So the aide shrugs and leads the camel in, and the guy puts a chair behind the camel and gets up and... well, you know. And when he's finished the aide comes in and starts leading the camel out. And the guy says, "Um... well, that wasn't so bad... so that's how the men usually deal with it, no?" And the aide says to him, "Actually, sir... usually they just ride her into town." MKgamemaster: Lil johnny is at school. They are learning about the government. Lil johnny doesn't undertand about the gov. So the teacher says, "go ask you parents." Lil johnny goes home and asks his dad. Johnny says, "daddy, what's the governent?" Dad says, "Well son. I'm the president, you mom is like congress. The maid is the work force, and you and your little brother are the future." Johnny says, "i'm still confoosed." Daddy says, "okay...then sleep on it." In the middle of the night, johnny's lil brother craps his pants. Johnny goes to his mom and dad's room to find a solution to the smelly baby. The bedroom door is locked, so he looks thru the key hole. He sees his mom snoring away. He heads towards the maids room for help. It is also locked. He looks thru the keyhole and sees his dad having sex with the maid. Johnny is like, "oh...it all makes sense now: the president is screwing the work force, congress is sleeping away, and the future's full of crap." |
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